The F word.  What is going thru your thoughts right now?  I’m pretty sure the one you’re thinking of has 4 letters.  It’s a perfectly fine word, fun at times even.  I saw a quote in a magazine that I love, and would give credit to the actress that said it if I remembered who it was… “A true lady should use the F bomb sparingly but with great affect.”  Very true, but the word I’m referring to is used even more sparingly I’m afraid… FEELINGS.

Who am I?  What do I really want?  What do I really care about?  What am I passionate about?   What do I want to do with my life?  Why am I alive?  What is love?  Who do I really love?  And the list goes on and on….  Ever asked any of these?  You’re human.  The answer is yes.  Do you have the whole-hearted honest answer to any of them?  If you’re lucky, you can say yes to at least a few.  But I’m certain at some point in everyone’s life the answer to any and all of these life-sized questions feels overwhelming and without response.  I can say that because I have experienced a time in my life where I was so numb, I had no idea who I really was much less what I cared about.  The numbness was a result of life circumstances around me that were out of my control and a complete lack of emotional intelligence to navigate the emotional rollercoaster that ensued.  Emotional intelligence…  that word gets thrown around a lot these days, very PC.  Just so there is no confusion, what I mean by emotional intelligence is a deep understanding of human emotions and what they are meant to communicate to human beings. 

If anyone asked, “Heather, break it down for me.  I’m not sure I can answer any of those questions.  How do I do it?  What’s the process ?”  My answer would be this:

“To honestly know who you are, why you came into this lifetime, and what your purpose is, you have to be connected to source energy or God’s energy,  and the REAL you.  You’re connection point is your heart.  And  emotions are the language your heart uses to communicate if you are on the right path or headed in the right direction at every moment of every day.   It’s a guidance system and gauge more sophisticated than any GPS system known to man.  Emotions were created by God, and they come standard with every human vehicle.”

I am passionate about emotions and every human being understanding them because they are a gift.  And emotional intelligence is a perfect phrase because intelligence denotes learning and that is exactly what each one of us has to do… learn what emotions really are and what each one is trying to communicate.  There is no such thing as a bad emotion.  Really!?!  Yes… it was shocking for me to at first… but really.  “Anger is a good thing Heather.” The first time I heard a counselor utter this phrase I went ballistic in that emotion!  Not because of the situation at hand but because it took till I was 26 years old and had thoughts of suicide before I came across that knowledge!  Now, to put it in context, I had felt numb for over a year and was “defrosting” my heart at the time.  The thawing process is a bit like coming in from the snow with numb feet, it’s tingly and painful but strangly feels good because your feet are waking back up!  Anger is an improvement, a forward movement up the emotional scale from numbness, therefore it was a good sign.  That’s what my counselor was trying to teach me. 

That lesson hit me harder (in a good way) than almost anything I’ve learned in this life so far.  I am now a passionate person, with a heart fully engaged in my life , with emotional intelligence that would earn me an A+ in AP Emotions, who can answer EVERY question I listed off previously.  And the best part…  every person on this planet could say exactly that with a little effort!  And it’s not hard either.  I got there by making the conscious decision that I wanted to live and that no matter what the emotion was, I wanted to FEEL it.  I didn’t know how to verbalize then, but looking back it all makes perfect sense; living numb is not living but living with a heart wide open exposes you to all of the emotions we have created words for.  If you want to feel the good ones… you have to open yourself up to and understand the ones that don’t feel good too.  The choice to feel, no matter what, is the decision to live and be guided in the right direction by your emotions.  To me, understanding the emotional scale and how to move yourself up it is a foundational cornerstone of being happy.  No matter how hard you search for happiness, you won’t know it when you find it unless you can FEEL it.  And when your happy… your heart smiles.  That sensation is unmistakable, so sought after, and well deserved by us all.  Emotions are the soapbox I could stand on all day, everyday at this point in my journey.  I have it on good authority (mine!) the title of this blog will also be the title of my first book. 

My challenge to you today my friend:  notice how your feeling more today than usual, put energy into deciphering what your feeling today.  Do your best to come up with what F word best describes it and then say out loud, “I feel ______.” Get comfortable stating where you are on the emotional scale.  Then find at least 1 thing you love to do for you, even if it’s as simple as spend an extra 6o seconds in the shower with a sugar scrub, or cream in your coffee, a pedicure, a trip to the driving range, a game of catch with your son….whatever makes you feel good.  And then take note of where you are on the emotional scale.  Make a list of at least 10 things you know you can reach for, quickly, that will walk you up the emotional scale to a better feeling place and have that list handy for the next time you find yourself in an emotion that doesn’t feel good to you!  You have the power to change it.

 Thanks for taking the time to read my post!  Look for more information to come on emotions my friends… it’s my favorite topic!

All my love, HD